The Twilight Story

I raised an eyebrow.  He didn’t say anything but I could feel his breath on my neck.

Then he whispered, “You know what I am.  Say it.”

“Definitely not a vampire,” she whispered back.

“Did you not just Google ‘vampires’, Bella?  What did Google tell you?” he sighed.

“That watching me sleep is the first symptom of narcissistic personality disorder.”

So I decided to confront him.  “Edward Cullen.  This is it.  I’m no Teen Lit girl.”

Then Buffy staked him right through his melodramatic heart.

“Take that Edward Cullen!  That’s what you get or exploding the ovaries of millions of teenage girls world wide!”

He shines his big, shiny abs to the sunlight.  “You’re welcome,” he glimmers, disintegrating into the arms of Bella.

But Before she could say a word, Jacob’s car pulls up alongside them, and he emerges, visibly upset.

“Are you all right?” she asks.  “What happened?”

“More things have happened to me on this day than ever before in my life and all of those things were terrible.  I hate everyone.  I hate everything.  And no, I’m not all right.”

“Today was so stupid.  You’re stupid.  This is stupid.  The whole world is just so stupid.”  And with that, she turned on her heel, hair whipping sassily, and stomped off into the horizon.


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